Over the past few years I've managed to overcome a lot of obstacles and do many things I never thought I'd be able to do as an autistic teen with a very low opinion of myself and my abilities. Such as, for example, going to university, moving out of my parents' house, and traveling. One area that I continue to stuggle in however, is finding employment and having confidence in my ability to find and actually maintain said employment.
I was at college for about 5 years and in that time I completed several unpaid work placements. Since the placements were arranged through my college and it was a disability-specialist college that I went to, allowances could be made for my needs and I was able to work in very chill and autism-friendly environments.
Since leaving college though, I've been on the lookout for actual paid work. Many workplaces sport the 'disability confident' label with pride and are more than willing to welcome employees with autism and other disabilities but something that often creates an additional barrier for me is my history with selective mutism, a condition I was diagnosed with alongside autism.
Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that renders a person unable to speak in certain situations. For example, in new environments or when they're especially anxious. I suffered with this condition for most of my teenage years and while I no longer consider myself to have it per se, speech is something that continues to be difficult for me, especially with strangers or within new environments. This already rules out a lot of customer facing roles as the thought of talking to new people everyday in a busy environment and never being able to fully know what to expect sounds almost impossible for me.
Even a non-customer facing role could pose a lot of challenges, as its often necessary to regularly communicate with co-workers in stessful situations. Worst of all though - before you even get to the point of actually doing the job - is the dreaded job interview. I've never gotten past the interview stage in a job application, if I even make it that far at all. There have been quite a few jobs that I felt like I was perfect for on paper, only for my brain to melt and me to completely forget how to speak in the interview. "You lacked confidence in the interview," is feedback I've become very used to hearing. There's always the question of whether I should include that I have these difficulties in my application or not as well, because there's the worry that it will stop the employer from even considering me at all.
For a while I had an Etsy store where I sold my own handmade jewellery. I also wrote and self-published a book. I thought if I can't get a job then I'll just have to start my own business instead. I've always been pretty independent and driven so it made sense. I made a few sales here and there but eventually I realized that sustaining a business isn't just about having good products. You also need to have good people skills and communication abilities in order to market your products and build relationships with customers and that was of course something I strugged with, even online. My Etsy store and book were also included in the things I just suddenly lost interest in and gave up on at the beginning of this year. Writing has always been a passion of mine so I do plan to release another book in the future however, although it will probably be quite different from my previously published one.
The Nature Spirit Oracle Book by Diana Faehart
There have been many other things I've tried with the intention of making a career out of them - such as music, content creation, and mental health work - but the main block always seems to be my lack of social skills and speech ability. Being essentionally a hyper chameleon who's interested in so many different things that it's difficult to settle on just one also doesn't help, as part of me is afraid that I'll commit to a certain job, only to eventually lose interest and start to hate it.
Getting a job isn't the most important thing in the world for me right now. Afterall, I'm very lucky to be part of a very understanding and supportive family. It's something I can't help but worry about from time to time though, as I don't want to always have to rely on other people. I'd like to use what I have to help others as well. All I can do for now is just keep trying my best to find the type of work that's right for me.
How has your journey to employment been? If you have a disability or mental health issue, do you feel that has affected it? Let me know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment