Redoing☆Childhood

Despite all of the improvements I've made other the last few years in regards to my abilities and my own confidence in said abilities, one area that I continue to struggle in is endevours that involve other people and my place in relationships with other people. As I've mentioned in the past, I grew up with a condition called selective mutism. Because of this I struggled to make friends (probably an understatement) but what I desperately wanted more than anything was to have a small group that I fit in with. It all started when I first moved up to secondary school and I began my "emo phase". I tried so hard to fit in with the other alternative kids and although they often tolerated me I still felt awkward and uncomfortable, and like I was the one person in the group that didn't really belong there.   After my emo phase I went into my "weeb phase". Much the same thing happened except at the time there weren't really any other anime fans at my school s...

Cheerleading My first encounter with cheerleading came when I was in my first year of secondary school. It was the first time I'd seen anything to do with cheerleading in the UK, before that I'd just considered it to be an 'American thing'.  I remember seeing a poster in the P.E. block at my school that advertised an allstar cheerleading club. I only considered it for like 5 seconds before my low self-confidence got the better of me and I pushed the thought aside. I hadn't even been diagnosed with autism yet but what I did know was that I was awkward and clumsy so there was no way I'd be able to do something as athletic and complex as cheerleading.  The type of P.E. sessions we did changed from term to term and around that time we were doing gymnastics. Gymnastics is a large part of cheerleading. The sport also includes dance and stunts. I absolutely hated any form of P.E. because in my mind I wasn't the least bit athletic, was terrible at sports, and plus ...

Over the past few years I've managed to overcome a lot of obstacles and do many things I never thought I'd be able to do as an autistic teen with a very low opinion of myself and my abilities. Such as, for example, going to university, moving out of my parents' house, and traveling. One area that I continue to stuggle in however, is finding employment and having confidence in my ability to find and actually maintain said employment. I was at college for about 5 years and in that time I completed several unpaid work placements. Since the placements were arranged through my college and it was a disability-specialist college that I went to, allowances could be made for my needs and I was able to work in very chill and autism-friendly environments.  Since leaving college though, I've been on the lookout for actual paid work. Many workplaces sport the 'disability confident' label with pride and are more than willing to welcome employees with autism and other disabili...

Around two or so years ago I discovered Menhera. So, what is Menhera? The word itself comes from the English words 'mental healther' and was inititally just a Japanese slang term to describe those who suffer with mental health issues. Eventually a kind of subculture formed around the word that focused on the creation of mental health-related vent art and from this a fashion style also emerged.  Menhera fashion - like the subculture it itself - quite simply focuses on expressing ones own personal struggle with mental health issues. Since it's quite a personal style and made to be accessible to all kinds of people regardless of any possible health issues, there aren't any specific 'rules' to the fashion. It's really about what 'mental health' means to the individual wearing the style. There are however, certain styles and themes that are popular, as well as lines that individuals are encouraged not to cross. Such as, for example, imagery that may be ov...

In September of last year I moved to London for university. Cycling seems so much more common in London than my hometown of Birmingham and I often noticed the bikes that were around and available for the public to use. Admittedly I'd gotten pretty out of shape over the extra long, lockdown-lengthened holidays we'd been having (not that I was ever partically in shape in the first place) and was looking for more fun ways of excerising.  There's a saying that goes, "It's just like riding a bike!" which basically means that even if you don't perform a particular action for a while you'll be able to get back into it easily. Despite the saying, in the past that hadn't been the case for me with cycling; I had to relearn the skill about 3 times when I was kid. I would learn while I was away at a summer camp or something then I'd go home and not really have the opportunity to do it again for the rest of the year. Then, when I went back to camp again the...

This isn't my first blog and will it be my last? Who knows? So here's a story I'm almost tired of telling at this point; I have autism. A common 'symptom' of autism is what's known as special interests. What are special interests then? Special interests are a particular topic, thing, person etc. that a person with autism will develop a fixation with, often causing them to neglect other interests or even necessities in favor of this one thing that seems to demand all of their attention. Special interests aren't always a bad thing. The image of autism that's often painted in media afterall is of the autistic person who may have poor social skills or be lacking in other areas but their almost 'obsessive' interest in a particular subject has led them to become an expert at it, allowing them to achieve great success. For a lot of autistic people though, this can be far from the truth. What happens when your special interest is something other people d...